Bercinta Selepas Nikah: Why is it a NO

Yesterday two of my friends tied the knots with their respective partners.  Both are guys. Another interesting fact, both are studying medic. And of course I didn’t attend both weddings, I’m still stuck with exams in only 3 days away.

I used to believe in post-marital relationship. I was a hardcore believer in fact.

Couple? Haram.

I was that I admit. Past few days one of my school friends tagged me in a post that I made it myself about do not engage in a relationship before you wed the person. Well, bak kata orang tua, kata-kata makan tuan.

So what actually has changed my mind?

What easy to come, easy to lose

I do have a belief a pre-marital relationship gives you reasons why you should defend your marriage. If you gain your partner as easy as ABC, going on a meeting, seeing the face, fall in love, 3 months later, and then you marry her.  You don’t actually work to win the person. You gain her.

I remember once when my parents were having a tough phase. My dad and I sat together, only two of us. Dad was talking from heart to heart, about his thought on giving a divorce to my mum.

Do you think it was easy for me to get your mom, that it is so easy for me to let her go? – My dad

Hear hear. That’s how I changed my view. I don’t want to give myself so easily. Only by a meeting and say “yes, I do.” I want to see efforts, sweats, and tears, for a guy to deserve me. (Tears there is a metaphor. Not literally crying, by the way )

If you’re in a relationship yourself, especially a long term kind, you get what I mean. There are so many hurdles come in many forms. It could be money, time, distance, or even people in between. That at times, we feel;

“This is it. We are not gonna make this”

But we did not. We simply, could not. Imagine the day you finally marry someone you work for and work with, for 3 years. If that doesn’t make me cry in my wedding days, my tear duct must have run out of content along this 3 years journey 😂

And admit it people, reality check. Not everyone gets to meet the right person at the right time, during the right financial state. How hard must I emphasise this point?

Not everyone is lucky enough to have parents to sponsor the weddings. Certainly, not everyone, not like me who have 8 siblings who are each still studying and my dad is a lorry driver and my mum is a housewife. Don’t get me wrong, my life is happy. But I’m happy in a sense I have to work my own ass off for something. I don’t say those who get their parents sponsor their weddings are plain bad. Well, if your parent’s money is not for you, then for who else? But in my case, my parent’s money is allocated for 8 heads.

But that’s the sweetness in the bitterness of hardship. Couples who work together. I know one of my friends actually selling food at a night market with his partner to raise fund for their wedding. Y’alllllssss I don’t care what your ikhtilat argument is but that touched my heart to see two young people work hard together, to live together. You know what are they going to say to each other when they have arguments later as husband and wife?

“Remember there was a time we worked as night market vendors selling kueh to find money to marry each other? You remember how hard for us to get here?”

That, people. You need a reason to hold on.

I know, we hold to Islam teachings, everything is gonna be fine.

But darling, listen to me. I don’t have any doubts on Islam teachings. Not a bit, not a slightest. But I have doubt in people’s heart. Iman comes in waves, ebb, and tide.

I totally have nothing against people who marry early and post-marital relationship. This is my personal view, open for disagreement. 

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Bercinta Selepas Nikah: Why is it a NO

6 thoughts on “Bercinta Selepas Nikah: Why is it a NO

  1. I do believe to feel a bit of compatibility first is quite important when knowing someone before deciding to pursue to the next step, together. 🙂

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  2. When I first read that first paragraph, I thought you have gay friend? and they married each other? So I re-read it and realise I read it wrong. haha

    For me marriage isn’t absolute, I agree with your point but I have seen bercinta selepas nikah in real life and it work, in a sense of they not divorce got kids etc.

    Basically it really depend on “do your partner ready to become husband or wife and are you ready to become husband or wife?”

    If one of you are not ready, thing will get complicated regardless you knew your partner before or only after marriage.

    One thing relationship before marriage is that, you must know what the end game. If your end game is not marriage you wasting both you and your girl/boyfriend time.

    I was in long relationship, about 5 years, it not working out the main reason is I’m not ready to proceed to the next stage which marriage.

    From that experience, I realize one thing, I will enter a relationship only when if I want to get marry right now I’m ready especially financially.

    My personal view, yes you go to know someone before you decide to marry her/him but at the same time you also must be ready to become a husband/wife and financially ready even before you get to know what person.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I assumed this post was clearly about marriage because in the early paragraphs I said about getting married too easily. Any purpose of relationship of any type I mentioned, it’s for nothing other than for a marriage. My point was basically don’t jump into a marriage ‘cliff’. Don’t marry a stranger just bcs you think it’s jodoh, everything has been written. Lets follow the flow. I am not agree with this mentality. But good pov, many people chase what they want, least avoid what they don’t want. You know you are not prepared yet it’s nice to know. Thanks for your long comment. I appreciate this.

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  3. i do agree with your opinions.i mean yeah being in a long term relationship somehow could be tiring and make you doubt if it is actually works but then it is way way better than engaging in a marriage with some sorts of 3 months stranger where you don’t know their true self.It is quite horrifying how some of us tend have that guts.i’m not like disagree 100 % with those kind of marriage but then every thing have their own pro and cons.Even myself being a girl just macam ‘sape2 je datang merisik,i’ll go for it sebab malas nak fikir and deal with relationship.

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    1. True that. Not only you; me too. Have that thinking. After that whoever comes I’m going to accept. But my conscience tells me not to 😂 marry is not a day business after all. It is a lifetime. I need to sure who am I marrying

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