Yesterday two of my friends tied the knots with their respective partners. Both are guys. Another interesting fact, both are studying medic. And of course I didn’t attend both weddings, I’m still stuck with exams in only 3 days away.
I used to believe in post-marital relationship. I was a hardcore believer in fact.
I was that I admit. Past few days one of my school friends tagged me in a post that I made it myself about do not engage in a relationship before you wed the person. Well, bak kata orang tua, kata-kata makan tuan.
So what actually has changed my mind?
What easy to come, easy to lose
I do have a belief a pre-marital relationship gives you reasons why you should defend your marriage. If you gain your partner as easy as ABC, going on a meeting, seeing the face, fall in love, 3 months later, and then you marry her. You don’t actually work to win the person. You gain her.
I remember once when my parents were having a tough phase. My dad and I sat together, only two of us. Dad was talking from heart to heart, about his thought on giving a divorce to my mum.
Do you think it was easy for me to get your mom, that it is so easy for me to let her go? – My dad
Hear hear. That’s how I changed my view. I don’t want to give myself so easily. Only by a meeting and say “yes, I do.” I want to see efforts, sweats, and tears, for a guy to deserve me. (Tears there is a metaphor. Not literally crying, by the way )
If you’re in a relationship yourself, especially a long term kind, you get what I mean. There are so many hurdles come in many forms. It could be money, time, distance, or even people in between. That at times, we feel;
“This is it. We are not gonna make this”
But we did not. We simply, could not. Imagine the day you finally marry someone you work for and work with, for 3 years. If that doesn’t make me cry in my wedding days, my tear duct must have run out of content along this 3 years journey 😂
And admit it people, reality check. Not everyone gets to meet the right person at the right time, during the right financial state. How hard must I emphasise this point?
Not everyone is lucky enough to have parents to sponsor the weddings. Certainly, not everyone, not like me who have 8 siblings who are each still studying and my dad is a lorry driver and my mum is a housewife. Don’t get me wrong, my life is happy. But I’m happy in a sense I have to work my own ass off for something. I don’t say those who get their parents sponsor their weddings are plain bad. Well, if your parent’s money is not for you, then for who else? But in my case, my parent’s money is allocated for 8 heads.
But that’s the sweetness in the bitterness of hardship. Couples who work together. I know one of my friends actually selling food at a night market with his partner to raise fund for their wedding. Y’alllllssss I don’t care what your ikhtilat argument is but that touched my heart to see two young people work hard together, to live together. You know what are they going to say to each other when they have arguments later as husband and wife?
“Remember there was a time we worked as night market vendors selling kueh to find money to marry each other? You remember how hard for us to get here?”
That, people. You need a reason to hold on.
I know, we hold to Islam teachings, everything is gonna be fine.
But darling, listen to me. I don’t have any doubts on Islam teachings. Not a bit, not a slightest. But I have doubt in people’s heart. Iman comes in waves, ebb, and tide.
I totally have nothing against people who marry early and post-marital relationship. This is my personal view, open for disagreement.